What About Helen?
Recently I was meeting with someone about hiring us as their Trusted Advisor! Joe had decided that he wanted to handle everything himself. Quite frankly, he had done a really good job on his own. And I told him so. I could understand why he was having trouble ‘justifying’ hiring us.
Joe was pretty sure he could do it all himself. “That’s great, Joe. What about Helen?” I asked. My point was that if something happened to Joe, his wife and children needed to be in a position to deal with the estate. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Joe to work with us on the decisions now than to throw the decisions to new investors (his wife & children) at a stressful time.
Involving Your Spouse
The Single Biggest Investing Mistake All Couples Make
This has nothing to do with stocks, bonds, mutual funds, real estate or any other type of traditional investment. In 20+ years as a financial advisor the same mistake I see couples make without exception (one I must admit I’m guilty of as well) is gradually allowing a spouse to become less and less involved with your investments.
This is just a normal tendency in a typical marriage. One spouse assumes certain roles, most of the time this is a slow evolution, one that very few couples actually realize until they look up one day and find themselves thrown into unfamiliar territory. Here’s what I’m talking about:
Bess, a very wise and knowledgeable investor (no, it’s not always the men handling investments) would come and visit with me about every 12 – 18 months but never would hire our services. Truth be told, she had done a pretty good job and I suspect just couldn’t get comfortable with paying me, or anyone else for that matter, for financial advice.
Her husband Ted had absolutely no interest in money or finances, he was retired military and was happy knowing that he always had his monthly “allowance” in his pocket and that all their bills were always paid, they owed no one! Not even a mortgage on the house. Ted was very proud of Bess and the excellent job she had done, not only raising their children, managing the household, but also in taking responsibility for all their financial affairs.
Then one day out of the blue I got a phone call from Ted. I immediately knew something wasn’t right. Since Ted would always delegate any financial/money issues to Bess, the last thing he would ever want to do is call a financial advisor, let alone open a bank statement.
When I got on the phone with Ted he was in tears, but relieved I had remembered he and Bess. He was calling to let me know Bess had passed away two weeks ago! Ted, having never dealt with any serious money or financial issues was told by his beloved wife Bess on her deathbed not to worry about anything. That he should call me and I would take care of him. Oh, by the way, they have two grown children – a daughter who is estranged from the family and has been for many years, and a son with bipolar disorder, manageable with proper supervision of medications, but will always require a level of supervision.
Imagine a stack of 37 envelopes, one on top of the other. In case you’re wondering, this stack is exactly 5¾” high, I know because that’s what Ted brought to his first meeting with me. 37 envelopes from 37 different mutual fund and investment companies. Nothing was in any of the envelopes, mind you. Ted was pretty sure they had money invested with all of these companies, but he had no idea where the monthly statements were or how much was in any of the accounts. Needless to say he had no idea what the statements looked like let alone how to even read one.
This is where we started.
It took one of my staff 2 1/2 days at Ted’s home going through all his legal and financial papers to “find everything.” The good news is everything totaled up to a little over $1 million not counting their free-and-clear home and no other debts. This along with Ted’s military pension and Social Security would be more than adequate to take care of him and his special needs son.
Don’t think this is an isolated situation. Just recently my wife ran into a family friend at the grocery store, the two ladies were catching up on our respective families, our boys played Little League baseball together when they were younger.
Diana was telling my wife they had a medical scare with her husband Rob a few months ago. He needed some rather serious back surgery and as he was being prepared for surgery Rob told Diana that should he not make it through the procedure she was to call me!
Again, similar story. I had met with Rob and Diana briefly 6 or 7 years ago, nothing ever came of it. So I had absolutely no idea what their financial picture looked like. I suspect Diana is in the same situation as she is glad and happy to delegate (relegate) all the investing and money management issues to Rob. She would rather focus her time and attention on raising and taking care of their two boys. And who could fault her for that.
So what do Bess and Rob have in common? They each have spouses who have little or no knowledge (or desire to acquire knowledge) when it comes to financial matters, spouses who are not comfortable making financial decisions let alone having to make those financial decisions on their own, all alone without their partner. Yet that’s exactly the situation Ted found himself in and Diana could have found herself in.
The absolute worst type of client a financial advisor could ever have is a newly widowed spouse who has never taken any interest in the household investments and is now left alone to make investing decisions.
I give them all credit for having the wisdom and courage to seek out the advice and guidance of a financial advisor, but I also know it’s still a very scary proposition for them to pick and choose an advisor because this is yet another financial related decision that they’re not used to making. Especially not without having their spouse and lifelong partner to consult with and help them make a wise choice.
If you love your spouse, do them a favor (you love them, don’t you?) and start working with a financial advisor now! While you can both work with and have trust and confidence in, so when (unfortunately, not if) the day comes and your mate is left alone you already have a trusted financial advisor in place your mate can turn to. Someone who they already know, trust and have confidence in. Their life will be just a little less stressful. This is one of the biggest gifts/legacies you can ever give your spouse. One they’ll always be grateful to you for.
